Dear Future Husband,

I know that the writing of this letter is a little on the odd side, but if you are my future husband then you have already come to know me as a little odd so it should come as no surprise. This weekend while I was working my little (but growing) tail off, I was thinking about our life together, and what it might look like. As I raked each oak leaf off the front lawn, my mind drifted to a time and place that this type of physical lawn labor would no longer be necessary and I could be inside making dinner for the family instead. Not that I don't enjoy outside work, because I do, I simply don't want to have no say in the matter. It must be done, and I am the only one that will do it. Of course, as I am breaking my back in the hot sun, the children are inside in a cool house, having their way with their own mess inside. When I break for the day, I am sure to walk into a new mess indoors and I will inevitably be frustrated with their lack of participation in our "teamwork" oriented family.

My dear love, when I picture our life together I have to be honest; I plan on slowing down. Yes, I am handy- I can install and fix toilets, sinks and faucets, know my way around electrical work, can mow a lawn and pull weeds, clean the garage like a mad woman, along with the other typical household chores of laundry (which I despise), cleaning of floors (over and over again), dishes, dusting, cooking and cleaning... Yes dear, I can do it all, and have been doing it all for quite some time. However, in our wedded bliss I plan on retiring certain duties. I will no longer plunge any toilets (unless it's an emergency), clean out the gutters, fix the aging fence, play mechanic on my vehicle, or rake millions of tiny oak leaves that lay stubbornly amidst the sand (that should be grass). I am not saying that you have to take over the physical labor of all of these duties, but you will be responsible for making sure they get done by someone, hired or not. I plan on contracting out the laundry and a monthly deep cleaning of the house.

I will cook more than I do now, and spend more time with my kids (oh and you of course). I'll work during the day, and greet my tired children when they step off the school bus with cookies and milk.... Alright, so maybe that's pushing it a bit. But please know that when I do slow down, that I've been working triple time and need to rest so I don't die an early death from exhaustion.

Good Food First....

When both my children were in Preschool, their teacher, Miss Shawnie had a lunchtime rule- Good food first. What that meant was eat the healthy things first, like the sandwich, fruits, or other snacks with nutritional substance. I can only imagine as a preschool teacher that seeing a lunch box full of sugary foods was a bit frightening. After all, we all know what sugar does to those with little to no self control. This rule came to mind today as I was mentally planning springtime activities and schedules that will soon erupt into full swing here in the next few weeks. I pictured God as my teacher, looking at my calender as my lunch box, reminding me to eat the good food first, keeping Him at the center of my schedule and heart. It's tempting to let the commercialism of Easter skew our thoughts and focus, getting easily wrapped up in the rush to buy the the biggest basket, wear the best outfit, and eat as though there was no tomorrow. God asks us to eat our "good food first" with Him- start and end our day with Him, read His words and take time out and listen to Him. It's amazing how clear our day becomes when we keep Him at the center of it. Just imagine what our lenten season could look and feel like, if in every detail we put Him first!

Who I am is Irrelevant.....

Seeing the world through my eyes is a bit odd, I am acutely aware of that. Discovering who I am, who I have accepted myself as, and who God desires me to be has been a journey of strange twists and turns leaving even the most intelligent of people confused. The stories I tend to share are somewhat off the wall, and usually pretty light. I enjoy laughing, being laughed at, and making others laugh. I sacrifice my pride daily for the sake of hearing joy manifest itself into uncontrollable fits of snorting, tearful laughter. So, follow me for a minute as I share with you a bit of self discovery beyond my typical anecdotes.

The past six months have been more than a little difficult due to finances, health, and just straight depression. I sink into these pits occasionally and over time I have learned how to maneuver my way out of them. As a faithful believer in my Lord, I know that ultimately His hands are working in my life to make all things new. That does not mean all things will go my way, and I will get everything I want. But when God goes silent and asks me to still see Him, I struggle. On occasion, in the midst of walking in the dark stumbling over life's bumps I sit down, curl up in the fetal position and surrender to my weakness in a river of tears and snot (I can't help it, I know you're laughing right now). Though I was fighting to never get back there again, I found myself in the River of Quitters again last week. When my children heard me crying and inquired as to why, I poked my head above the tears and simply told them, the world feels bigger than me right now. As I waded through the RoQ, trying to regain my footing on solid ground, I had a very bold and direct conversation with my own Knight in Shining Armour - God.

I asked him point blank, for the final answer, "What do you want me to do on this earth?". Imagine a lifetime full of pain and struggle trying to find the answers to what my purpose on this earth is only to discover one thing, that who I am, as we normally refer to ourselves, is irrelevant. Everything about what I am is irrelevant. My pain is insignificant. My talents are inapplicable. My words are empty. My hands and feet are useless. My heart is numb and my mind is adrift. (The latter of which most of us knew anyway.) Not to worry, there is hope for us all because above all of those things, I AM HIS, and that is the only thing about me that is relevant. I love the way the Lord places our lives together like pieces of a puzzle, because as I reflected on this, I opened up a file I had written years ago about this exact subject. The image you see attached here is that document. I had clearly defined what it meant to me to be HIS. At the point in my life when I needed answers, He faithfully delivered them to me AGAIN. I AM HIS, and beyond that, nothing else matters! IN HIM, I AM a daughter, a servant, a princess, a lamb, a bride, and a friend.

If you could please help in the future should I, or any other loved one fall in the River of Quitters again, help us get out of the RoQ, and onto the ROCK by reminding us lovingly that we are irrelevant!