Alice in Wonderland Syndrome...

If I'm going to wake up repeatedly in the middle of the night like this and write, I'm going to have to invest in a back lit keyboard. Funny story actually, my friend Jason and I were both complaining about not being able to see the keyboard in low lit rooms or at night when we both tend to write or explore the Internet. We decided we should invent the back lit keyboard like we have on our phones. He had been thinking about it for months, and I only a few minutes. Me being the smarter of the two sexes went directly to google to make sure it had not already been done, and there it was. Back lit keyboards... I love google- the world of knowledge at your fingertips.
Right now it is 2:09 am and I know what you are thinking; my heel woke me up and now I'm going to subject you to some middle of the night ramblings. Well, you're wrong. Something outside woke me up, and now I'm going to subject you to some middle of the night ramblings!
My plan this morning was pretty simple. My friend was going to wake me up in the am, around 5:45, because I have a lot to get done today and I need a head start. Also, school starts next week and I want to be ahead of the game sleep wise so I'm training my body. I will absolutely without a doubt ignore my alarm clock, but will not ignore my friend, and in fact will engage in conversation effectively waking up my mind. Don't you love how we plan things with the best of intentions only to have them preempted by a higher power?
The noise outside happened at about 1:40. I laid there for a few minutes after that thinking 'I need to wake up early, I can't be awake now.' Then everything else hit me, and I knew I had no choice but to get up and write. That brings us to Alice in Wonderland. I have proven to you in the past that my random thoughts will come full circle, so please, just follow me here.
We begin in a hole.
I was laying there reviewing conversations I have had in the past few days with friends and this is where I end up. In a hole. Not necessarily me inparticular, but several people in their own holes. I can take this two different routes to come back to my point, and I think I will, so you are going to have to split screen your mind for a few minutes.
Imagine you are in a hole by yourself. The walls are pretty tall around you, and you can see the outside above you. It's light out there, but your hole is dimly lit making it difficult to see around you.
Split screen here.
Remember Alice in Wonderland? Specifically, the scene where she is falling down the rabbit hole. She's falling, and falling and falling and as she falls she starts seeing things that resemble semi-normal. Pictures, chairs, belongings, clocks, basic stuff. When she reaches the bottom, she finds herself in a foreign place with a tiny door to get out. All she has to do is make herself the right size. Then she does exactly that, and shes out. Into a world that could only have been conjured up by a bad acid trip, with obstacles and road blocks only the insane could possibly concoct. I know that's a little extreme, but come on, singing flowers? A disappearing cat? Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum? The bizarre characters and encounters in this movie are so far out there that when you watch it, you tend to forget she actually has a purpose- to get home. To get out of the rabbit hole.
Now that we have two pictures painted, I have to tell you a little story about my son, Conor and a common theme that has been repeatedly presented to me this past week. Conor is my little love bug. He's only seven but he is nearly as tall as me (a feat not really all that challenging considering I am a mere 5'3" and shrinking), weighs 70 pounds (this is where I have him- I'm gaining ground here!). Conor likes to play with the older kids, and keeps up very well. So well in fact, I sometimes forget that he is only seven, and has not really caught up with the rest of them yet in the emotional management department.
Conor, myself and the Dorkfi (AKA Tatum and Sarah), did a little school shopping at Bealls yesterday. They were having a terrific sale with basically 90% off the clearance items.. LOVE IT! Anyhow, we went specifically to check out the shoes. I found a pair of black ETNIES for Conor. He really wanted skater shoes (which he already has, but they're not NEW). I was so excited! I could get him the skater shoes and they were only $11. Unfortunately though, they were about one size two big. That's okay, I thought, his foot is not going to stop growing, I'll get them and we can put them away for winter! This is torturous thinking for a child though, to get new shoes that you love and have your mother tell you that wearing them is not on the books for a couple of months. Needless to say I spent the rest of the day listening to Conor convince me that they fit just fine, especially with four pairs of socks.
"Mom- is it going to be cold tonight?" he asks.
"No Son. It's August in Florida. We're not due for cold for another 5 months. Why do you ask?"
"Cause I want to wear my new sweatshirt and jeans and shoes tomorrow." Duh mom, was his tone.
In his mind, he just fast forward 6 months to winter. I wanted to ask him how Christmas turned out for him, because I missed it! Unintentionally, I put him in a hole.
Transition. Limbo. Plateau in life. A state of wait. Stagnancy. This is our hole. A hole most of us tend to put ourselves in and I just put my son in one, and he has no idea. That therapy bill just went through the roof! I'll never get to retire!
I have had several conversations with different people in my life about this exact subject. One is "stuck" in a town he does not want to live in, because he wants to move back to Orlando and is "waiting" for this company to make him an offer for employment. A few are in relationships they are either not sure where they are going, or if they are going to stay in, or get out. Then there's my parents, who are in a major transition in their lives with my dad, after 18 years with the same company, and 40 years in the same industry, suddenly without a job and not sure where they are going next.
I suppose that is what I was really thinking about when I woke up this morning. All of these people in my life that are in transition, and stagnant, stuck, waiting, and feeling the pain, and sadness of these moments.
"I'll be a lot happier when I'm not here."
"I'll feel better when I figure out what to do."
"I can't wait till I'm older, and bigger. It's going to be sooo great." (okay, so this really only applies to kids, because none of us adults really want to be older and bigger! lol)
Can we say, the grass is greener on the other side? We've all had these moments, I'm likely the worst offender. Can we say- California? HOLE. Divorce- HOLE (really, this one, I was so happy to be in a hole!!) More accurately for me- Marriage was my hole, but that's another story all together.
But here's the kicker- the misery we feel in all these transitional, stagnant, waiting stages is our own damned fault. We put ourselves, OR allow someone else to put us in these holes. When we put ourselves in these holes, we tend to curl up in the fetal position and whine robbing ourselves of life.
Back to Alice
So, remember the Alice in Wonderland story from beginning to end? Let's focus on the beginning for a minute. She was in a field of flowers, sitting under a tree reading a book. She's relaxed, and happy. Then she fell asleep remember, she was dreaming. That's when she fell down the rabbit hole. Her mind created every obstacle that she faced. It was all self inflicted. The Mad Tea Party, the grumpy flower, the confusion of Tweedle Dee and Dum. The walrus and the oysters (is it me, or was that part of the movie just pointless?) Her hole was really weird, and fictional I know, but nonetheless, its a hole. She created it, she lived in it, and only she had the power to get herself out of it.
Back to the hole you imagined yourself in.
Here we are in our own hole. Our Alice in Wonderland Syndrome hole. This is where we go when we feel like our life is in transition, or we are waiting for something to make us happier. Where we go when we are waiting for life to start again. Our hole is made up of a wall of rocks/bricks/stones/sticks, whatever it doesn't really matter. The only thing about this that does matter, is that we create it. We stack the bricks, the stones, the sticks whatever. We create our own obstacles that seemingly keep us in the hole. And every time we say "it'll be better when" we stack another, adding to the depth of our hole. "I'll be happier when"- stack up another. I can't do this right now, it has to wait until I have this, or that, or am in a different place. The point I'm trying to make is that we are not digging, we're stacking. We are right where we should be, but the lack of acceptance, or giving in to the discomfort transition causes, builds up the walls of your "hole". Alice did not really fall down a hole, she was right where she needed to be - reading. And we are right where we need to be- wherever we are.
I'm going to have to dig here for a minute because as much as I love the Lord, I don't know my bible verses very well, so I'm going to look this up to find the right scripture. What it boils down to is this, bloom where you're planted. But I don't want to pull a Joel Osteen, I want there to be biblical substance for this late night rambling....
Let's start here: JOB 36; 15 ..."But those who suffer, He delivers IN their suffering; He speaks to them IN their affliction.
Adding to that, Matthew 6; 25-33.. This is a long one, click here and read it: http://bibleresources.bible.com/passagesearchresults.php?passage1=matthew+6%3A+25-33&version1=53
That took a while for me to find, and I'm still not so sure I found the right scriptures for the point I'm trying to make. But they are both good in general. I'll start with JOB, poor Job. The man had literally everything in his life taken away. He was in a state of permanent transition. But the entire time, he served God. He kept going. He didn't crawl in a hole. He allowed God to work on him IN his suffering, and IN his affliction. (Side note: speaking of suffering, remember Paul, he was in chains when he wrote his letters)
On to Matthew, the bullet point version is this, stop worrying about tomorrow, and all your needs, and how you are going to get them, He will provide. Focus on where you are today, and the type of person you are today. "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be given to you as well."
I suppose what I am attempting to say is that when we hide in our hole, we miss out on where we are today. We are robbing ourselves of today's life and all the opportunity we have to live, to serve, and to experience even if it's not where we want to be. Sometimes, we just have to be. Be where we are and be good at it, or at least try to be. I struggle with this myself, and often have to give myself a reality check by asking myself this: Why would God move me from where I am, if I have yet to embrace where he has already placed me?
The mind of a child is like a sponge, soaking up exurbanite amounts of information. Its amazing to watch a child from birth to teenage years and all that they have learned. At some point though, our sponges dry up, and we become stagnant adults, possibly wasting away in our misery because life has not turned out the way we wanted, and we would be happier, if only..... But if we step back and think about the role transition plays in our life, we have go to remember one thing: Our entire life is transition from Birth to Death. We are effectively in Limbo our entire time here on earth. So why then do we wilt when we are in situational limbo, and put life on hold because we are situationally stagnant.
All this to say: Live where you are. Learn where you are. Don't let yourself, or anyone else push the pause button on life because you are in limbo, or transitioning, or feeling stagnant. And quit being an Alice creating road blocks in your life - there's enough of them out there already!
It's now 4:45, and my alarm is going off in an hour. I guess I should try to get back to sleep now... Sorry to torture you all with my late night ramblings!







While searching, I found a relavent passage... Mark 5; 21-43... Specifically verse 36. but the entire passage ties a little in to this..