Seeing the world through my eyes is a bit odd, I am acutely aware of that. Discovering who I am, who I have accepted myself as, and who God desires me to be has been a journey of strange twists and turns leaving even the most intelligent of people confused. The stories I tend to share are somewhat off the wall, and usually pretty light. I enjoy laughing, being laughed at, and making others laugh. I sacrifice my pride daily for the sake of hearing joy manifest itself into uncontrollable fits of snorting, tearful laughter. So, follow me for a minute as I share with you a bit of self discovery beyond my typical anecdotes.
The past six months have been more than a little difficult due to finances, health, and just straight depression. I sink into these pits occasionally and over time I have learned how to maneuver my way out of them. As a faithful believer in my Lord, I know that ultimately His hands are working in my life to make all things new. That does not mean all things will go my way, and I will get everything I want. But when God goes silent and asks me to still see Him, I struggle. On occasion, in the midst of walking in the dark stumbling over life's bumps I sit down, curl up in the fetal position and surrender to my weakness in a river of tears and snot (I can't help it, I know you're laughing right now). Though I was fighting to never get back there again, I found myself in the River of Quitters again last week. When my children heard me crying and inquired as to why, I poked my head above the tears and simply told them, the world feels bigger than me right now. As I waded through the RoQ, trying to regain my footing on solid ground, I had a very bold and direct conversation with my own Knight in Shining Armour - God.
I asked him point blank, for the final answer, "What do you want me to do on this earth?". Imagine a lifetime full of pain and struggle trying to find the answers to what my purpose on this earth is only to discover one thing, that who I am, as we normally refer to ourselves, is irrelevant. Everything about what I am is irrelevant. My pain is insignificant. My talents are inapplicable. My words are empty. My hands and feet are useless. My heart is numb and my mind is adrift. (The latter of which most of us knew anyway.) Not to worry, there is hope for us all because above all of those things, I AM HIS, and that is the only thing about me that is relevant. I love the way the Lord places our lives together like pieces of a puzzle, because as I reflected on this, I opened up a file I had written years ago about this exact subject. The image you see attached here is that document. I had clearly defined what it meant to me to be HIS. At the point in my life when I needed answers, He faithfully delivered them to me AGAIN. I AM HIS, and beyond that, nothing else matters! IN HIM, I AM a daughter, a servant, a princess, a lamb, a bride, and a friend.
If you could please help in the future should I, or any other loved one fall in the River of Quitters again, help us get out of the RoQ, and onto the ROCK by reminding us lovingly that we are irrelevant!
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