Conditioning the Mind, Training the Body, and Offering the Heart

Peter McGowan of California asks, “Is trust earned, or is it given?”:


An infant at its first breath will instinctively nurse from the breast of its mother. In the most natural of moments this is trust in the purest form- lying in the arms of your mother nestled in a blanket of security intricately woven with fibers of love. With no prior experiences to give, or earn trust, it is simply present as a byproduct of a fortified bond. Later in life that the same child will flinch at the raise of a hand, the sound of that certain draw slamming shut in the kitchen, or the tone of an angry mother’s thunderous demand for obedience. Yet trust persists- as the mother will also feed, nurture, care for, discipline and continue to love irregardless of faults or missteps.

Over the course of our lives we have allowed our minds to be conditioned to distrust people in our lives because we have misunderstood what trust is and how it develops. It’s part of the hardened heart syndrome that is rapidly devouring the innocent. Our bodies are then trained to react in a mistrusting manner with controlling behavior, withdrawal, depression, insecurity, aggressiveness, and sometimes complete isolation. Relationships across the board suffer significant wounds over time often resulting in the severing of bonds that were intended eternal. It is important to understand the only way true mistrust can occur is through a violation of a previously established trusting relationship.

In order for trust or mistrust to be present, a relationship must have first been established. In terms of our relationship with God, the presence of trust does not exist until we have bonded with Him through time, healing, acceptance and servitude. If we arbitrarily decide to give, or declare someone worthy of receiving trust, it is no different than building a house on sand rather than rock (see Mt 7; 21-27). In the husband, wife relationship, if trust is given, then it can also be taken away. This creates an environment that perpetuates a cycle of mistrust, counteracting the initial offering of trust. I’ve often heard people say that trust between and husband and wife is different than that of a parent and child. In all actuality it is only the way in which it formed that differs.

So Peter, my opinion, derived by trial and error, research and experience, that trust is not given, nor is it earned. Trust is bred, developed, simmered, and produced as a byproduct of a fortified and nurtured bond. Regretfully however, I am forced to offer a plea of guilty in the charge of buying into the misconceptions of trust. Lucky for me, I have a forgiving God who has offered me a plea bargain. He will recondition my mind, and help me retrain my body provided I continue to offer Him my heart.

Addie Owens-Donovan
Author